And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
