question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
