If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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