My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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