I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
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