so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I look better un-naked...
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
