i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
