i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
