Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
