1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
