i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
