dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
