Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
