The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
