apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
