i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
