I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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