It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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