all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
