omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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