When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Say something about gay babies.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'm sobbing to NWA
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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