you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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