you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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