Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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