I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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