Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
