i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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