I haven't been this sober since birth.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
