Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Randomize
