This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
