I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
