I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
