The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
