im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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