i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
