Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
