i need an iv and a liver transplant
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
love makes seman taste better
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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