I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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