smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
