I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
