he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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