i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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