Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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