i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Randomize
