he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
