I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
