Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
