it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
