I just made out with a guy for $7.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
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