She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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