and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
