I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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